Mothering Our Mental Health

Becoming a mother is one of the biggest changes a woman will ever experience. All aspects of our life will change – our bodies, our relationships, our lifestyle and our priorities. Though one thing that is not talked about enough, and that is our mental health.

When we first have the baby, we are so excited and people visit us and it’s all so new and wonderful. We are smothered with love, gifts, help and attention. Though there comes a point when the visitors stop, the offers of help cease and life begins as a ‘new normal’.

Poor maternal mental health is on the rise. In particular, where I live, which has the highest postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety.  

There are several factors that contribute to the well-being of a mother. They are environmental,  socialization and emotional.

Mental health is just like physical health: everybody has it and we need to look after it.

 Modern society can be very isolating for new mums. Previous generations seemed to have it a little easier with women traditionally staying at home. There was often a network of support readily available to help new mothers, both practically and emotionally. Mothers  in this day and age are not always privileged to this type of support as we are often so busy, caught up with our own lives.

When I first became a mother, no one had warned me about the isolation I was to endure. ⁣⁣⁣⁣

⁣⁣⁣⁣I  was far from any family and although I had a few well meaning people, I constantly felt alone. I had plenty of friends willing to help but as I was one of the first of my friends to have a baby and none could really relate with what I was experiencing. ⁣⁣⁣⁣

⁣⁣⁣⁣I felt that the whole world was going on outside without me. I was jealous of my husband who could step out and join the world whenever he pleased but as a breastfeeding mother, I didn’t feel I had the same opportunities nor freedom. ⁣⁣⁣⁣

I wish I had an inner circle of mothers who could truly understand what was going on and who were experiencing the same. ⁣⁣⁣⁣

⁣⁣⁣⁣I needed someone to tell me that I was doing a good job and my feelings of struggle were normal and a common feeling nearly all mothers experience. Instead I struggled in silence and most sadly, by myself. ⁣⁣⁣⁣

We need to remind ourselves that us humans, especially us women are social beings. We depend on interpersonal relationships and we need and thrive on connection with others. Social media can be a great tool to reach out to others  but it has also been proven that in can lead us to feel more lonely and out of touch.

In order to support our mental  health, It’s so important new mother’s are able to fill our  connection cup with others.

5 Ways To Fill Up Your Connection Cup and Support Your Mental Health

Phone instead of text
It can be so easy to send a text but pick up the phone instead and have a chat and that interaction with someone. Even better if you can find another Mum to become phone buddy’s with!

Reach out Asking for help is not a sign of weakness it is a way of staying strong.  Ask family, friends or parents who have experienced the same. There are so many local services put in place to help you, remember everyone needs a little help from time to time!

Move your body  Exercise keeps the brain AND body healthy. It can help improve your mood, help you feel more energised and can provide a more positive mindset. Join a gym that has a creche, join a baby wearing dance class, or go for a pram walk and coffee with a friend.

Go to a babygroup or playgroup Playgroups are a great way of connecting with other mothers. In fact playgroups are actually more for the mum’s, then they are the babies. All the mum’s there are in the same boat and you all need each other. Put on a friendly face and get chatting to others.

Hire some help! During that fourth trimester, the days can seem long and lonely.  If you can spare the cash, invest in hiring some help. Whether it’s a cleaner for the house work, a nanny or a postpartum doula. There is an amazing network of people who can be there for you when you need it most.

 The most important thing is not to suffer alone. Make sure you receive the rest and recovery your body needs after birth but do so whilst still receiving that interaction and connection you need support you emotionally.


Jo Bealey is the founder of The Calm Mama & Baby.
A Postpartum Doula, Parenting educator & also a Mama well-being coach, Working locally in Jersey and online. Through her work she is passionate about supporting maternal mental health and creating calmer, happier mum’s & babies.

If you would like to collaborate or are interested in working with her, please reach out and say hello.

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